Be with your dog.
Be in the moment.
Be present.
I feel like one of these days someone is going to crash into all of my opinions about obedience commands like the Kool-Aid man crashes through walls.
Fortunately, I’m not famous enough to attract any party crashers yet.
Today, I’m going to talk to you about something that can tremendously transform your dog… and you.
The power of WAITING.
With how fast our world seems to turn, and throw things at us… life can be constantly GO.
When we’re seeking relaxation and comfort… ADDING more instructions, more activity, and more …. stuff can make it even worse.
So ditch the robotic obedience commands, and let them choose.
I know that waiting isn’t always something that’s paired with fun feel good thoughts for us. We think of traffic. The long drive through lines. The fact that the grocery store refuses to open another register.
But in this case, waiting is the best thing you might be able to do.
Wait with your dog.
Wait FOR your dog.
Wait for them to process their emotions, and GIVE THEM THE FREEDOM TO DO SO!
And no, I don’t mean that you should ALLOW your dog to just charge into another dog like a jerk. Definitely don’t do that.
But give them a chance. Give them a chance to get their minds about them, and to fully experience and sift through how they’re feeling.
Dogs produce behavior based on a few things. The most important being:
Emotions + Changes in the environment.
They produce behavior because they are feeling something, and they produce behavior to control, change or manipulate something around them.
A dog will sit, because they know that if they sit, the desirable food item in your hand will lower to their mouth, and that they can eat it. They know this because you have manipulated the environment previously to teach them this pattern.
On the same note… a dog will bark, lunge, pull, whine, or maybe growl when they see another dog. So why are they producing those behaviors?
Because seeing another dog makes them feel something. Usually excitement, frustration, fear, or nervousness.
A dog who feels frustrated and nervous, is going to choose whatever behavior they can find to the be most beneficial to them. Period.
That most beneficial behavior is often the nasty reactivity you’re seeing. They do it because it works. They’re nervous, and would feel better if the dog went away. So they make a big scene and the dog goes away.
It makes sense that they would keep doing it! Why wouldn’t they continue to do something that is working? Just the same way a dog who gets a free Bojangles snack off of the counter will keep doing it… unless it’s no longer successful.
I feel like a train who is quickly starting to lean off the rails, so I’m going to get straight to the point.
Give your dog a chance to feel. Just… WAIT with them.
Let them make a big scene for a few minutes.. while the dog or person over there just… exists.
Wait until they figure out that their behavior is no longer influencing the environment in the way that has been successful in the past.
”my dog might get confused if I don’t tell them what to do though!”
Okay. Let them get confused a little bit.
That confusion is your BEST window of opportunity.
That confusion is where your dog may be most perceptive to feedback that you can offer.
That moment of “holy cow what the heck. This is not how this normally plays out and now I’m starting to question my course of action”
When your dog hits that point… that’s where you swoop in like the superhero you are…. and give them what they need to make it out on the other side a better dog.
That confusion gives you a window. Jump through it!
Jump through it and tell them “hey, yeah. I know it’s not working like it normally does. I know you’re feeling a bit unsure about what you’re doing now.. because it’s not working. Here’s what I’m sure of… and I want you to jump on board with me. Do this with me.”
Even if the “this” of that scenario is NOTHING. Reward them for just existing.. Just BE.
I’m going to paint a picture for you.
You’re sitting at the park with your dog. Literally. You grab a blanket, a bench, a table. And you sit. You hang out.
Another dog comes up, and takes a seat with their owner too. They’re about 50 feet away, minding their own business.
Naturally… your dog does their thing. They start to watch, they start to get excited, pull on the leash, bark, whine, growl.
They start to do whatever thing it is that your dog does.
and NOTHING HAPPENS.
The dog over there minding it’s own business is still there. They’re not moving.
You’re not moving or reacting.
The ONLY thing that’s changed is your dogs behavior… and how they feel.
Imagine how confused they’re going to become… when literally no one does anything?
When the pattern they are so used to doesn’t actually play out?
They’re going to keep making a scene for a few minutes. That’s okay.
Let them process.
Let them see you being an example for them. Calm. Confident. Relaxed.
They’re going to start to calm down… 99% of the time. Some might take longer than others… but it’s going to happen.
USE THAT. REWARD THAT!
That’s your golden spot guys!
Take it!
And again… just BE!
Be with your dog. EXIST.
Dog parks aren't the devil... an argument for the other side.
Don't take your dogs to a dog park for socialization... they're dangerous.
They're dirty.
They're unpredictable.
Those are all things that dog behavior experts all over the country have said to dog owners.
EVEN myself. In fact, I still say those things. I still mean them.
I mean them because when it comes to the dog owners I work with, I want them AND their dogs to be safe.
I want their impressionable puppies to have great experiences during their socialization period.
I DON'T want dog owners finding out the hard way, months or years down the line, that the dog park ruined their dog.
But here's why we (as professionals and community members) should get on board with them.
Let's face it. People aren't going to stop using them. The cities are going to keep building them.
Finding off leash legal areas to let dogs RUN and be dogs is becoming harder and harder in populated areas.
And to be quite frank... the park itself isn't the problem.
It's the professional dog industry... letting dog owners down that's the problem.
Here are the REAL reasons dog parks are dangerous, unpredictable, and often unsafe:
1. Dog owners don't KNOW when their dog is feeling stressed or overwhelmed, until those emotions turn into dramatic displays of behavior (growling, snapping, lunging, attacking). That's not their fault. Their vets, groomers, puppy class instructors, and dog trainers are letting them down. We're not providing the MOST important thing to dog owners, and that's the ability to ACCURATELY read their dogs body language.
2. There is a huge misunderstanding about what "socialization" really is. Even many professionals are still sharing this information as if it came straight from the bible itself. Socialization is often seen as a "meet the puppy, introduce the puppy, pet the puppy, let the puppy say hello to every dog they see, take the puppy to dog daycare, to the dog park, the puppy should meet as MANY people/dogs/things as possible to properly socialize them".
Let me tell you. This is a load of... well something smelly. Quality always trumps quantity. ALWAYS. Socialization in and of itself, is teaching puppies/dogs how to interact with their environment comfortably and appropriately. It has much less to do with actually meeting new people/dogs, and much more to do with teaching them how to handle new situations with confidence and ease. Oversocialization is nearly just as bad as... undersocialization for a puppy's development.
3. Okay the only reason I have a point #3 in here is because point #1 is SO important to reiterate. As a dog owner, you can never control who shows up with their dog, or how that dog may behave.
BUT! As a collective, if dog owners were better armed with the knowledge they needed to accurately read body language, spotting "problem" dogs will become much easier. You'll be able to know before they enter the gate that this one might be a bad match for a dog park type setting, giving you time to get YOURS out.
Seeing the tiny, subtle warning signs, will also allow you, as a dog owner, to prevent conflict among dogs BEFORE it begins.
Imagine! Not wondering every again "why on earth did my dog do that? They've never done that before???".
Unfortunately, you DON'T have that knowledge, because professionals are convincing dog owners everywhere (whether intentional or not) that obedience and basic training are the BEST ways to start to get a handle on your dogs behavior, or to start them right as puppies.
With that, comes the issue that many of you are going through these classes (and don't get me wrong, a lot of them are still great), but STILL don't know how to understand what your dog is actually saying to you.
But, I'm going to get to the point now.
Dog parks are NOT the devil.
Dog parks are a great resource for dog owners, to let their dogs run and have some liberty... and well... be dogs.
Our industry though... the professional dog industry... we might be the problem. For letting dog owners down.
I can already hear the arguments coming.....
"But dog owners don't care!!"
"They don't want to know about those little details. They just want a well trained dog."
"Average dog owners aren't going to put in the work to learn!"
BULL. CRAP.
Dog owners don't get nearly enough credit from us. Yeah, there will always be people who really just don't care.
But going in already believing that dog owners are "average", that they don't care about learning, that they won't want to learn... that's bullcrap. Plain and simple.
We motivate dogs every day to do things that they might feel unsure of... are we not capable of supporting and helping PEOPLE do the same thing?
Our cities aren't going to stop building dog parks. People aren't going to stop using them for their dogs.
So... instead of fighting is... let's work WITH it. Let's use our impact as teachers and dog lovers to better prepare our community full of wonderful dog owners to use these resources in a safe way.
The only way we can achieve that... is to believe that dog owners care enough about their dogs to care about learning.
(THEY DO!)
And then to teach them. To support them... and to make these wonderful resources (dog parks), places that are safer, less unpredictable, and well... more fun!
So, as a professional who used to be so vehemently against ANY use of the dog park (because of influence by other professionals who felt the same way), I'm going to start taking my dogs to the dog park again.
I'm going to be a friend and support to other owners there. I'm going to help them with their dogs if they want and need it. I'm going to confidently advocate for my dogs, and lead by freaking example.
Maybe I'm living in a fantasy Utopian place in my brain... but I don't believe for a second that dog owners aren't capable of being safe and responsible.
I believe that they ARE.
Why new trainers shouldn't be training puppies.... and what this means for dog owners like you.
I can already feel the protest on this one.
I can sense it.... coming toward me from dozens of new puppy trainers everywhere.
I'll take the hit though. This is important.
Every adult dog who has a behavior problem now... started as a puppy. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. There's literally no way around it.
In fact.... many of these same adult dogs even did puppy training with their dogs. Their dogs who now suffer from separation anxiety, firework phobias, nervousness around strangers, reactivity or aggression toward other dogs or people.
Puppy training is touted as one of the best ways to prevent behavior problems down the road... right?
So what's happening?
Why are all of these Used-To-Be-Innocent-Puppies coming to me, and other trainers as adults with behavior problems... EVEN after they'd done puppy classes, or puppy training?
Where is the gap here?
What are we missing?
Maybe... we're missing how HARD puppies really are.
See, I'm on the inside of the dog industry. And I'm about to share some truth with you that maybe not a lot of people know about.
Puppies are thought of as "easy" sometimes as "money makers".
Fill up the puppy classes they say. Puppy classes are EASY they say.
New trainers are given advice to start with puppies.
Because puppies are EASY, they say.
All you have to do is to teach them and their owners how to sit, stay, down, greet other dogs, and any other variance that's included in a basic puppy class.
But puppies AREN'T easy. I get it. I used to think the same thing. I actually used to think it was a GOOD thing that I started my career working with older, difficult dogs. I thought it made me more experienced.
More capable even.
But the reality is... puppies are easy to mess up.
And the problem with that is... that you don't see the result of that until months... sometimes over a year later.
New trainers mess up. A lot. Experienced trainers mess up too. We all mess up. We've got to be honest about that.
But messing up a puppy... is far easier than messing up a mentally mature dog.
Those mess ups... they're much more impactful for puppies than a mentally mature dog.
And unfortunately, it's common practice for businesses and training companies to put their NEWEST trainers on puppy training duty... because puppies are "EASY".
What does this result in?
This results in dog owners just like you..... having a now teenage... or adult dog... and having the impression that "training didn't work".
And those dog owners are right.
It didn't work.
But it's not because TRAINING doesn't work.
It's because the mindset around puppy training is backwards. It's so far off the rails that it's causing a real problem. Prevention is the MOST. IMPORTANT. THING.
Dog owners like you, as a result, are being short changed.
You're being taught obedience. You're doing puppy socialization. You're being taught potty training and house manners.
But what you're not always being given... is everything else you need.
Arguably the things that you need MORE than obedience commands.
You're not being given these things... because sometimes newer trainers don't know any better. (I know I didn't starting out).
Do you know how to tell if your puppy is tired? Do you know how much sleep they need a day? Did you know that it's entirely possible to OVER socialize them?
Are you being prepared to help them through stress, frustration, and arousal? And do you know how to identify the difference of each?
Are you being informed about fear periods, and how they can permanently impact your dogs future behavior?
Maybe some of this sounds like it's not important. I don't blame you.
The internet has a plethora of "PUPPY CLASSES!!!" type advice. "SOCIALIZATION!!" type advice. "POTTY TRAINING" type advice.
So that's what you google. That's what you focus on. It makes sense. That's what you're being told to focus on.
But it's not enough. You know why it's not enough?
Because you DESERVE to know more. You deserve to know what's most important.
And I can tell you with 110% conviction... that obedience.... that's NOT the most important thing.
And I can tell you with 110% conviction... that puppyhood is the MOST important time to really dig deep.
Dog owners like you... well... you want the best for your dogs.
It's hard to know what the "best" is.
But what I do know, is that it can take experienced teaching to ACTUALLY help you prevent behavior problems.
And you have a right to know how the mindset in the dog industry directly impacts YOU and your puppy.
And you know what? I'm going to throw some of that responsibility back onto myself too.
I can't proclaim that new trainers should stop training puppies, without having an alternate solution at the ready... right?
New trainers should learn how to train puppies. The RIGHT way (and I'm not referring to methods/styles when I say the "right" way).
But new trainers cannot learn unless someone teaches them.
Because of that, I am happy to be a teacher to new trainers, even though there will ALWAYS be trainers who know more than me. And I will always be a student myself.
I can't say "new trainers shouldn't be training puppies" and not offer to help those new trainers become pros in the best way possible, right?
So here's my advice to dog owners:
Don't take the shortcuts.
Don't jump into the first/closest/cheapest puppy class you can find. You may pay for it later.
Don't be afraid to advocate for your and your pups education, by choosing your teacher carefully.
And my advice to new dog trainers:
Commit to doing your very best.
Commit to being aware, and unashamed of your shortfalls, or weaknesses as a trainer.
Commit to becoming an experienced teacher, who does everything in their power to positively impact both our industry... AND dog owners.
Because they deserve our best.
And nothing less.